Day 1

The trip to Morocco has been a bumpy one so far. And by that, I mean a complete train wreck. I foolishly thought that some alcohol and good friends would get me through the day so I agreed to go to Columbia’s Homecoming with a friend of mine… even though Ex-Boyfriend went to school there and would be at Homecoming as well. After some vodka at 9:30 AM, I was feeling pretty good. I hung out with the usual football/soccer/baseball boys I would have in college and high school (Ex-Boyfriend was more of a musician than jock). It was nice meeting new people but every so often, I would glance over at his tailgate and would feel the immediate urge to drink more.
So I drank more. and more. and more. Between throwing up in the bathroom and attempting to walk the 100 plus blocks from where I got off the subway (because I was feeling too sick) back to my apartment downtown, I would say the day went from nice to tragically terrible. Of course, I was blabbering on the phone the entire time, trying to figure out where it went wrong. Oh what did I do to make him stop loving me?
Answer: nothing. Falling out of love is sucky and there’s no explanation for it. It just happens and the only way to get over it is to get over it. Oh yes, we could have dragged on if I hadn’t of brought it up on Friday, but I’m glad I did. I didn’t get the answer I had hoped for, but I did get the answer I was expecting (“I’m not ready to take this any further… to an emotional level”). A good friend of mine told me that I just have to take it one day at a time (this was after my first break up with Ex-Boyfriend). Of course, it’s more easily said than done but nothing is easy. I’m giving myself props just for actually going through with it. In the end, the right decision may not feel good at the time, but too often we’re too preoccupied with the short-term results as opposed to long term consequences. It’s time to buckle down and continue on this journey. It helps to know that this bumpy stretch of road will soon smooth out.
Meanwhile, I’m making pumpkin bread.

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