The sign off I dread

“Sweet dreams”. It sounds so sweet, so cute, so… lovey dovey! Seriously, you don’t say that to a platonic friend. As previously stated, I have a lot of guy friends, a good amount of them are platonic and they would never say “sweet dreams”. As of lately, I have been confounded by the difficulties of finding a platonic male friend. Most of my close guy friends are either engaged (a.k.a. they have no lives now and only hang out with their fiancée), out in some random ass place like Oregon trying to “find themselves”, or back in the great state of Texas, where I went to college. And as for the ones I’ve either made since moving back to NY or the ones who are still in NY, why, for some reason it seems all they want to do is get in my pants!

What’s up with that? For example, while in France, I’ve been doing a good job of staying in touch via gchat, email, skype etc. So, when I’m chatting with them on gchat or skype, it’ll seem like everything’s all good. We’ll talk about sports, how bloated I’ve been feeling, their weekend plans etc. and then as I’m about to sign off and go to sleep (since I’m 6 hrs ahead of the States), I see these two words that I really would rather not see coming from someone I’d like to be a PLATONIC friend. sweet.dreams.

UGH! Don’t say that! If you say that, then it means that you want to be more than friends and I don’t want that! I feel like slapping his wrist, waving my finger, like, uh uh, no. Bad! Is there a way to do that on the internet? Instead of “poke” on facebook, can they make a “slap”?

This may seem like a strange complaint but I miss being able to just chill with the guys, watch football, grab a sandwich, go to a kegger… without worrying about inappropriate touching or leading him on. Those were the good old days. I think, maybe what has changed is that I’m single now? I’ve always had a boyfriend and I mean always always and my friends had respected me enough to not interfere but i guess now I’m up for grabs? I’m not tooting my own horn nor am I saying that I’m hot ish. Just simply calling it as it is. And as for making male friends… for the most part, when a guy meets a girl, he just wants to get in her pants. Unless 1. He has a gf. 2. She has a bf. 3. She is butt ugly and he’s not drunk enough. So how do I remedy this? I’ve considered lying about having a boyfriend but I think it may be bad to start a friendship based on a lie. I don’t know, I’m out of ideas. I guess I’ll just have to keep on flying to random places and to my old college stomping grounds to hang out with my guy friends and to watch them get belligerently drunk, pull off super stupid stunts and/or have a McDonalds chicken nuggets eating contest (FYI this results in passing out after nugget overload and passing gas… really bad gas).

Or maybe I need to find guys like this:

– Mag


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